What kind of a world do we live in where a man is held hostage in his own home by his wife?
With my new work schedule of 7 days on / 7 days off, I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with the kids over their spring break. My wife Becky, on the other hand, is still stuck going to work. So, with me being home all week, she has given me a very detailed list of the things that needs to be done around the house before I have to go back to work, and back to my crazy 15 to 18 hrs work days.
In order to get these things done in a timely fashion, she has gone to drastic measures it seems. The tote bag she carries with her to work everyday seemed to be a tad bulky this morning, but I really didn't give it much thought.
In order to get these things done in a timely fashion, she has gone to drastic measures it seems. The tote bag she carries with her to work everyday seemed to be a tad bulky this morning, but I really didn't give it much thought.
It was only when I returned home that I discovered the treachery of what the wife had done. The remote controls to the TV and the Blue Ray Player are not in there normal locations. In fact, they are no where to be found! But wait! What's this? The game controllers to the Wii and Xbox are missing off the entertainment center as well!
My first thoughts are, "What the hell??? I'm going nuts!... I'll e-mail Becky and find out what's up." As I sit down at the computer I pull out the sliding panel from under the computer desk only to find... No keyboard. Holy S**T.. The mouse is missing too!
Have we just been robbed by the most sadistic thief on the planet? Leaving the main expensive stuff, but only taking the things needed to operate them? What fiendish, underhanded madman has done this to my home?!!! This is like one of those crimes that would be master minded by one of the criminals from the 1960's Batman show! The Joker perhaps? "HOLY COMPLETELY USELESS MERCHANDISE MATMAN!"
Luckily, I remembered I still had my trusty Mat Phone with texting capabilities in my Utility Belt!
With feverish speed I texted Becky and Commissioner Gordon. "We've been robbed of our operating equipment 'ol chums!... To the Mat Poles!"
"I took them all!", was the reply from the wife. "I didn't want you to be distracted from the 'To Do List' that I left you!", she continued.
Could this be??? Was the Villain I was after... MY OWN WIFE?!!! What Villainy! What treachery! Yes, it was the work of the woman that knew me best... Becky's alter ego, The Beckenator! I could almost hear the evil, "Bwa Ha Ha Ha Ha!", laugh across three towns! And to top it all off, she must have incapacitated Commissioner Gordon, because he never responded to my text! HOLY EMASCULATED IN MY OWN HOME!
I went to the roof and activated the MatSignal.
Normally my group, "The League Of Super Male Friends" would have come to my rescue... Unfortunately, it is daylight and no one responded.
Not to be outsmarted by my arch nemesis, I proceeded to the Mat Cave, (cleverly disguised as a typical suburban basement), and was able to locate a keyboard and mouse from an old computer! Without the aide of a trustworthy butler named Alfred, I was able to remain a pack rat and keep the Mat Cave well cluttered!
Now, don't get me wrong, I do promise to do everything on Becky's list... But did she have to go so far as to steal all the remotes and keyboards? Speaking of which, I had better get this keyboard and mouse back down to the Mat Cave before she catches me! Lord knows I don't want to feel the wrath of The Beckenator!!!
Stay tuned Mat Fans... Talk to you tomorrow! Same Mat Time... Same Mat Channel!
Until next time... PEACE!
10 comments:
Howls in laughter and glee...
Bwaaahhhhhaaaa haaaa haaaaaaaaaaaa
:) You've well and truely outdone yourself, Matman!
LMAO! I was wondering what the reaction would be with those super-important items mysteriously missing each morning. The quicker the list gets completed, the quicker you have your toys back, lol.
You are a man of true ingenuity!
I take the keyboard and mouse when I leave the kids home. That is funny!!
sadly, I would have been sending the Twilight updates during the movie as well so we watched it in the theater before I even read the books. I did say that the books were better but hubby isn't a reader unless it is a camera or tv manual.
Well, the very fact you noticed the missing controls and keyboard so quickly proves she did the right thing in removing them from the house. If she didn't need to do it then you would have started work on the list and not even noticed the missing items until much later (by which time Becky would have been home and been replacing them for her own use).
*Wonders if the same thing would work in my house*
Oh, man! Two evil geniuses on one house?
Why hasn't someone pitched this to the networks yet? Oh, right, because it's just too good to be on TV.
You guys are killin' me!
(I'm SO doing this to Jon Bon Jovi, BTW. Woot!)
XO
Anna
Ya know. My hubby asked me a dumb-assed question about something about American Idol on Wednesday night... something I'd already theorized about in one of my blogs. My answer to him was "if you'd just read my blog, you'd know my answer to that question."
Now, that said, Im going to tell you this:
If you'd just taken the time to READ Becky's blog, you would have SEEN this coming...like yesterday... and would have been totally prepared mentally for when it happened (although the story was funny as hell).
I suspect that since Becky DOES take the time to read YOUR entries, that she'll find the contraband items in no time flat. Chicago's right, sooner you get the list done...sooner the toys come back.
Thanks for the laugh though!
She obviously knows her husband very well since you went to great lengths (to the basement) to locate replacement equipment. I hope she takes them too... nya nya nya.
LOL
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
Hilarious! Ingenious! Matman...LMAO
Now get those chores done and earn your toys back.
Duh-na-duh-na, duh-na-duh-na MAT MAN! HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA!
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